James May is the coolest person in the world. Just to get that clear. You may say that's a bit off the subject of this post's title, and well, yes, it is, but I need to say this as a disclaimer. To disclaim, as indeed most disclaimers do. I need to make sure people know that none of what I'm about to say about Jeremy makes him cooler than James, in any way. Right, now I can get started.
First point. His great-great-great-grandfather, John Kilner, invented the Kilner jar, a container for preserved fruit. I ask you, in all seriousness, can you get any cooler than that? This point needs no elaboration, so I will leave you to mull it over in awe and wonder, while I move on.
Next, he's a big Genesis fan. Genesis are named after the first book in the bible. Not only does this make him extremely holy and therefore bulletproof from all criticism, it also establishes a connection with things that come first, surely a good thing to be connected with when you're a car fanatic.
If I'm entirely honest, I got those two first points by quickly scrolling down his wikipedia page, and although they are undoubtedly solid, good points, I think I can do better. So I will slowwwwwly scroll down his wikipedia page and see if there's anything better up for grabs.
So, let's ask the public, in an anonymous internet poll, where they don't risk being labelled a petrol-headed unenvironmentally friendly racist. Two buttons. One, vote "Make Jeremy Clarkson Prime Minister". Two, vote "Never, Ever Make Jeremy Clarkson Prime Minister". What would you vote for? It doesn't matter, the poll closed in 2008 and even if you had voted, it wouldnt have made any difference. He won, by erm, forty-nine thousand, three hundred and fifty nine votes. BOOM.
Thing is, being a Jeremy Clarkson fan, I have to mimic him somewhat if to be recognised as a believer, which means changing my mind half way through any argument. So, uhmm, he's a fat, bigoted, stupid, brown (as in not green) excuse for a human. Plus he cheated on his wife, just a couple of years after she bought him a Mercedes-Benz 600 for his birthday. The wanker.
Didn't mean to sound racist when I said "Brown", just meant as opposed to green i.e. environmentally friendly. Maroon might have been better. Speaking of which, a ship full of red paint crashed into a ship full of blue paint. The crew were marooned. BOOM!
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