In defense of Apple.

I begin today with a question. Yes, that's right, a question. I hear you recoil in shock and awe. Jacob... consulting the opinion of other people? Although it has to be said I have preserved some of my self-saturated dignity by making the question about myself.

Are there any kinds of Apple that I don't like?

Computers or fruity snacks, I just love 'em. I once collected the stickers of apples I'd eaten*, and put them on a door. The door became so heavy it wouldn't open and we had to throw it out. Okay, a slight exaggeration, but the door quickly became full of apple stickers, and incidentally, it was thrown out, although that was more because a) There was blood on it, and b) We had an extension and put a massive wall in front of it. I have to say, the blood slightly ruined the effect; it looked less like the happy hobby of a healthily eating nine year old and more similar to the souvenirs collected from hundreds of murders, carried out by a brutal criminal cartel dedicated to avenging apples throughout the world.

Regardless of my psychopathic habits or lack of such, my favourite brand of apples were Pink Ladies (the shiny red ones), I found that in general green apples were more reliably satisfying, but prime specimens of red apples far out-tasted their green elite rivals, and I spent my childhood in the happy company of fruit. And blood. Mwahahahaha. But I keep wittering on about that, and it really isn't what I'm trying to talk about.

Then lo, in a moment of enlightenment and discovery casting those of Buddha and Columbus into shadow, I found a way to connect the two main obsessions of my life at that point, fruit and computers, when I discovered the Mac.

AppleMacs, as is their full name, were brought out by the dying company, Apple, which had been all but destroyed in the IBM revolution, as an almost last-ditch effort. They brought together everything they knew, and made it work. It was named after the Macintosh, the brand of Apple favoured by an employee at Apple. It was fast, it had a handy little application bar called "Doc", and was very, very, cool. Since then Apple has exploded, making lots of stuff, but most importantly, of course, the iPod. Now, did you know that a few years ago, every single "Zune" (Microsoft's equivalent of the iPod), froze, because it couldn't handle a leap year? They were just crap, and now, if I may quote my esteemed friend Emilie, "APPLE IS BOLLOCKS". This would annoy me anyway, but even more so because the reason her iPod's screen is cracked is because I dropped it on the floor**, not through any fault of Apple. So, if I may quote President Nixon and the Green dude from underwater in Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace, "BRBRBRBRBRBRBRBR".

*I am obviously talking about the fruit here.
**I am intending on paying for her new screen, I'm not completely unreasonable. She is though. I think she blamed Apple because she couldn't face tarnishing the reputation of a flawless innocent like me. Yeah, that's definitely it.