Confusion is a state in which I often find myself. I will be casually swimming at a steady front crawl for hours before the knowledge that I am in fact pacing about the house strikes, and I will be lost in a maelstrom of dizziness and headaches for an amount of time seemingly without correlation to how long I had been lost in my thoughts for. I wonder why it is that I may have started swimming, but to no avail. That information is locked deep within my subconscious, and can only be extracted through torture. I have tried this on occasion, and eventually I cracked, of course, but because the restraints imposed by the Geneva convention I cannot tell you why I deluded myself into thinking my house was in fact the North Sea. It's bloody annoying.
Still, while mild bewilderment is my natural habitat to some extent, some things I am sure do not make sense to anyone, in any way. Often, these supremely odd occurrences come from Facebook. Do not get me wrong, Facebook is an amazing website, and has got me through some of the trickiest times and stickiest situations of my life, but it does tend to change itself suddenly in ways that cannot be understood. One of these was the merging of inboxes and chat. It strikes me as slightly strange that now when you have a conversation with somebody, everything they say is sent to you twice. For instance, I am talking to my good friend Jeremy about, let's say, Leviticus. We reach the conclusion of our conversation, and go our separate ways (digitally, if not physically). Now I check my inbox, to find Jeremy has also sent me a message. Hmmm, if seems vaguely familiar, is it, yes it is, its exactly the same as he's just been saying to me on chat. How bizarre.
Moving on. While the above and various other things confuse me, albeit* in a slightly endearingly eccentric way, some make me downright angry, and nothing more so than a new addition to facebook, the "Say Happy Birthday" tool. How dare you, Facebook, how dare you. For years, I have been simply notified that it is someones birthday, and have happily strolled along to their page, and delivered my specifically tailored, bespoke birthday message. Now though, mass produced Happy Birthdays are taking over the market, crushing lovely, home made, heartfelt birthday greetings into the ground. It makes me fume so much just thinking about it, the condensation from the skylight above me is dripping onto the screen. What now shall I do on my birthday, during the times I used to lovingly scroll down the wall, evaluating my social status by considering carefully any smiley faces, kisses or capital letters I may have received? I'll tell you, I'll sit and cry at pages and pages of "Happy Birthday Jacob"s that will be all there is on offer. I will weep salty tears** of depression at legions of brainwashed humans devoid of all their past character and flair. I will shriek curses at the sky, condemning the day Mark Zuckenberg woke up feeling the need to meddle in my affairs.
Oh no, wait, it doesn't post a message, it just directs you to their wall. Well that's OK then.
*That's right, I used the word albeit, a life goal of mine.
**What other sorts are there?
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