Swing Life Away.

I've not posted for a few days now, mainly because I've been so darn busy. I've had English, History, Tech, Science and more English homework. I've had to deal with crisis after crisis, I've had to act as a little barrister in my head to decide who's side of an argument I'm on. I've generally had to cram all the action of a few months. And today hasn't got much better. Actually, it's been downright worse. Instead of just having no time to enjoy doing nothing, I've been having a downright bad time. Let's have a look at my lessons, for a start. Languages: a big hate for me. I like German, but not French, today we had a French assessment, after which I had a detention with my language teacher that some thickshit decided to remind her about, for no apparent reason. English: I like my English teacher, but it seems that, like me, the strains of life are getting to her a bit. She could almost be described as waspish. And two nights ago at eleven o'clock in the evening I Emailed her the homework that was supposed to be in for before the Easter holidays. Completely my fault, but that doesn't mean it's not unpleasant. IT: not only do we have a teacher who goes past stroppy and ascends into mythological levels of pure undiluted rage at the slightest provocation, I'm about three weeks behind on my work, this time not my fault, but because of my illness a few weeks ago. My afternoon brightened a bit, admittedly, but couldn't exactly be described as similar to having a picnick up a hill.

My lessons weren't what really got me down today, though. I could find things to be annoyed about most days, and in the end I've got no more of a worse lot than anyone else, and I try not to whine too much. No, what really made me just want to scream and run away to somewhere I could keep myself to myself was lunchtime. What I really wanted to do was lie down in the sun and just forget about worldly stresses for a while. Nope. No rest for the wicked. While normally I consider a water fight and several little adventures involving stealing things and hiding them fair game (and later having a slightly heated discussion with a wandering dinner nanny about what you were doing with a massive pole you suspected contained your tie, but then turned out not to), today I frankly just couldn't be arsed. How do you say that, though? Do you get angry? Cos the people you hang around with haven't done anything wrong, you're just feeling a bit self-indulgent and self-pitying. Do you just groan and ask them to give you some peace for a bit in a not too annoyed manner? Because then the chances are they won't take you seriously, once again through no fault of their own.

I really have no excuse to be annoyed and depressed at the moment, the sickening self-pity I find manifesting in the corners of my brain really pisses me off. My teenage brain can't seem to accept that it's not really that bad, and it should just get over itself.

Tonight's no less busy. I have to complete an essay on the relative significance of the battle of Stalingrad, D-day, the battle of Berlin and Hiroshima (another brilliant and catchy title there, almost comes close to "How does Willy Russell use setting and environment in his play Educating Rita to comment on education and social class?" Dammit, I should come up with headlines). I'm not doing it at the moment, though. I'm listening to music and writing this (obvious when you think about it). Whatever I'm feeling, music completely controls my emotions. It makes me angry, passionate, sleepy, happily complacent, sad, and sometimes put on camouflage trousers and commando roll down the corridor, in a military, decisive manner. It takes me to the happy place where it's just me and I can think my own thoughts and not have to deal with mere mortals like yourselves (I condemn the use of improper grammar in this blog as much as possible, but this would be a good time for a winky face. ;) ).

So I'm spending most of the time lying down with my eyes closed and earphones in, occasionally writing a couple of sentences of this. Grooveshark has saved me, once again. Some of my calming favourites include Run by Snow Patrol, Wires by Athlete, Hesitate by Stone Sour, and Swing Life Away by Rise Against. That's what music helps me do, swing life away.

Anyway, Joseph Stalin's life story won't write itself, so I should probably give it a hand. It's been nice talking to you. All the best.